WHAT LIES WITHIN

You see me….

 but you don’t see me.

What you perceive is what I allow.

I bare my true self to no one.

At times…

not even to myself.

What do you think of that?

What do you think of me?

Do you consider me a liar?

A  fraud?

You with your judgmental, sanctimonious self!

I don’t want to hear you!

Are you any different?

Stupse!!!

I think not.

You with all your preconceived notions,

All your hypocritical ways…

And you want me to be like you….

Ha Ha.. I laugh

I can never be like you,

I don’t want to be you….

But wait…..

Who is that in the mirror?

I do not recognize the face….

I hear the voice,

I see the lips move,

I feel the breath on my fingers…

Who are you?

Oh Lord, it cannot be!

It is you…

It is me….

We are the same.

What lies within?

You will never know. 





 
This is the Audio/Video for this piece

THE FORK IN THE ROAD

I have embarked on a journey....
not one of my own volition.

I have packed the necessities....
observation, intuition, vigilance....
patience.

Am I ready....
of that I can never know for sure.....
but I am off.
 .....................

This is taking a while....
my body is weary and my will is slipping.
I ask myself constantly
“Is this worth it…is the price too high?”

There is too much riding on this…
too many people depending on me.
What if I fail?
What if I let myself  be steered by the destiny….
of others?

No!
That is NOT acceptable!
I am in control of my own destiny.
I make my own choices.

I will not let others swing me between their slimy grasps…
and have me be a spectacle for their amusement.

I am at the fork in the road.
Which path should I take?

My mind no longer has all the solutions.
I will close the windows of objectivity
And let my consciousness guide me.

My being hurts.
The pain is intense in my shoulders.
I want to scream…..
But there is no one to hear me

The fork seems ominous…
I cannot see the end of each path…..
it is hidden from me.
But I know, in the end it will all be revealed.

Do I still take this path alone….
am I alone?

The energy of this life.
The warmth of nature’s arms.
The spirit within me

I AM NOT ALONE

Onward......

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ARC

The Most Beautiful Arc
by Cher

Why do things have to be so difficult....
Why is it that as a mother you cannot always
provide the protection for your offspring
that you know they need.....

I am asking the questions...
but I already know the answers....
they must grow...
they must stumble to walk....
they must use their own powers of creativity
and intuitiveness to weather the storm.

We never just want to stay on the side lines.
We want to be at their sides during the battle...
but logic dictates that we cannot engage in such....
We must let them lead the charge...
Take up the mantle...and power
Through the opposition.

The opposition is brutal
fierce and doesn't care about ...
human emotions or relations.
The only factor that is recognized by
the opposing forces are -
those of empirical and prime value.
Dollars and cents.


As a Mother....
I wish I could find it ....
Maybe ... at the end of the rainbow
 ..... Where is the leprechaun?
What is he hiding?....
Where is the pot of gold?.
Are you out there?....
Are you hearing me?....

Please do not send your demons,
your collectors, your nemesis......
We crave your indulgence
and seek some compassion.
Life changes have precipitated
this course of events.
The Immaturity of those who
were bestowed with responsibility and
who gaily thru it to the wind because
of lecherous affections in neighbouring terrain.

Make space....
Give time....
Empathise....
I have a path to walk...
A journey to complete...
The road is slippery from the early morning rain...
I am cold and feel hungry....but I look up....and what doth I see...

The Rainbow
- a promise.....it will get better....
It will be dark for a while
as the heavy clouds rush across the sky...
But the space will be made...
The sky will become clear again...
and the beauty of the diffracted
light of the arc will be seen through it all......

I have a ways to walk...
Mr. Leprechaun.... please....
Please....
Wait for me....

UNWRAPPED...FROM THE DARKNESS

A  new awakening.
The  darkness….
it can no longer envelope me.

I have shed the unwanted skin.
I peak through the haze....
the anger is gone....
the blackness is gone.

It is only warmth I feel.
It closes around me and suspends me.....
my feet are at least six inches off the ground.....
my head is light.

I have heard his voice.
It is smooth and silky...
like  the smoothest chocolate....
it is addictive.

I have to hear it constantly.
I have to have my drink......
I am thirsty......
He feeds me......
He says he Loves Me.

Is this too fast?
What am I doing?
I am scared.
Why am I questioning this?
Over analyzing…
Let it flow...
LET IT GO.

Do I wish to go back into the darkness?
I scream...
I shake....
I feel the burning all over my being.
He has pulled me out of the darkness....
but he doesn't know it.

Unwrapped.....
unwrapped from the Darkness.

I have found my love.....
He has found me....

We are here.
For as long as we have breath.

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

The dynamic between men and women will probably never be understood in its fullest.

We have all had our experiences.  Some would say that they have had their triumphs. All in all...what have we learned?

The funny thing is that even though the evidence stares us straight in the face we are still blind to it. The excuses, the tales, the cover ups....we as women still decide that we must continue on the path that others have laid out for us.

 Well, truth be told...I have been around the mulberry bush a few times....and after a while...your head starts to spin and your world goes bottom up on its head.

What do you do at this stage?  What can you do at this stage...? What must you do at this stage....?

The Answer....well let's say...MY answer....is that you must Stop!....That's right....you stop and re-group, re-flect and re-cover.

It is pointless moving forward with baggage....sorry I ain't got no personal red caps ....

Usually what you are hearing is not what is being said.....and the trick is to get pass the white noise and pick up on the true signal......

The static confuses us....we automatically go into a mode where we think it was all our fault.

Relationships are two fold.  To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  Behavior breeds behavior.

The situation at hand is no ONE person's fault. The scales may tip from side to side but there will always be some percentage of responsibility that each of us has to bear.

The triumph in my mind, is when you consciously decide to to take that responsibility by the seat of its pants, yank it to the forefront...perform the proverbial wedgey and see what you are made of.

In a relationship when your partner announces

                     "I have not been happy for the past....x....years"

what they are really saying is

                     "I have not been happy with myself for the past...x....years"

This is the time that you should realize that maybe both of you need to have some self reflection....take everything else out of the equation......and everyone else......look at what you need to have a rewarding relationship.

Granted this is something you should have done before you embarked on the duo journey, but we did not take Clairvoyance 101 and we ain't signing up any time soon.

So take the bit, sink your teeth in and let honesty reign.

Warning, it will hurt.......no one can ever truly describe the physical pain that is manifested by the lost of trust of your lover and friend.  The one you have determined you will spend the rest of your life with.  But hey, maybe the mistake here is that YOU decided, as oppose to WE deciding.

Life changes, people change, circumstances change, attractions change....but what should never change is HONESTY.

Never, ever, be afraid to speak your mind as to how you really feel. Sometimes when you are on the brink of losing your hold on your relationship, soft skills may not be your friend....but honesty will always be.

With honesty comes freedom.

Cowards shun away from this phenomenon. Cowards spend their time explaining  their actions.....taking great care in justifying what they have already done, presently doing or about to do. Hypocrites hold their hands.

We will not join them.  We will be free in our minds.  We will not project on others our mistakes and swing blame back on them. If we are in error....we admit to it.  With admission comes freedom.  But with thought comes planning and analysis. Self introspection is key.

At every stage of your relationship you must take responsibility. You must maintain communication. You will loose some of your independence but this is replaced with interdependence. This must be the glue that holds it all together.

But....bonds cannot be forced to adhere. The bodies must be willing. The surfaces must be compatible. The emotional portal must be free of all interference and obstacles.

Take the time.  Stop.  Speak. Softly. Touch. Scream. Cry. Understand. Live. Love

You are blessed.

I am here and so are you. WE are here together.

This post is for the loves of my life....they know who they are.

CHER

BEING IN CONTROL.......

I was once asked

."If you could go back in time,what advice would you give to yourself 10 years ago?"

Whenever I think of that question I smile.....hindsight is 20-20....and we wish we could have been blessed with the visual acuity to see and the advanced mental capacity to understand every situation before we ventured into it.  But that would make life very boring and plagued with no challenges at all.  How would we build our characters, our personalities, our idiosyncrasies.

But, I thought, how would I change it.  Having the power to change a time-line cannot be taken lightly as the actions and purposes that are affected are infinite. Would your good friend of recent times still be your good friend today. Would passing that mirrored surface on the street of hundreds, that one glance you gave your self, of yourself, and you saw how despaired you looked, how down trodden and defeated, if you hadn't looked...would you have made the effort to walk a bit taller and straighter and had the courage to tackle your demons head on....probably not.

So, is the question pointless.....I don't think so.... my answer.... 

                   I needed to take control of my life....I needed to understand and recognize what was good   for ME.....and not what the status quo told me was good for me...I pride myself in being logical and analytical...I also know that I am intuitive and my gut works very well (smile) 

Since then, I have attempted to take control of my life.....

But I am not so sure I have achieved the goal.....if I had..that may have been the content of my first post (wink).....

I know I must continue on my journey....the challenges, the heart break and the realizations.

They will come.  They will hurt.  They will be conquered.  I will be strong.  Where do I find my strength?  In my conviction.......

                      I AM HERE FOR A REASON....I HAVE A PURPOSE....I WILL FIND IT !!!

Until we meet again my friend.......

Be steady in your walk....be vigilant in you stride....be purposeful in your being.....be sensitive in your touch.

You make a difference to the world.....you are blessed.

CHER

IT'S A NEW DAY......AND WHAT WILL IT BRING...?

I awake to the rain pattering on my window...it is cold...I am sure at least 20 degrees Celsius.....My body clock as usual moves me at least two minutes before the mobile alarm goes off.

Why do I have to go in today....yea yea..as we sing together in the family key..."Oh Crap it's Monday"....

I do the usual morning quick run, feet on ground, rub eyes, reach for glasses, check time on cell phone (funny I haven't owned a functioning watch for over two years)...release bodily fluids (come on people I'm sharing here..we all do it).....take BP meds...need to keep the ole ticker going...and head to press the school clothes.  Ok I could hear most of you now...but yuh had all weekend to do that,,,why yuh wait till Monday morning...ok I may be a scientist, may be practical and logical...but I just throw that out the window like every normal human being....to see how it feels.

It's raining again....I am sitting by the open window, there is still a chill int he air at 7.39 am.....Important meetings today....appointments before arrival at office.....my daily calender swirling in my head.....need to make sense of it all...but it is better done with....the rain falling.....the earth is replenished.....and Mother Nature Drinks.....Sups.....and Breathes.

I started this Blog last nite.....I have no idea how it will end.....

I take each day one step at a time, but I know I am approaching a major juncture of reflection. My life is complicated right now...I feel I am being pulled in many directions.....there is a tentacle to the past, a ball and chain anchored to the present and an antennae reaching for the future.....and inevitably they are turning their winches ALL at the same time.

Breathe.....sometimes it has to be a conscious act. One you must be in control of.   You stop and think about it.  You watch your chest rise...you feel the intake of air.....you open your mouth and you exhale.  We take this for granted.  That was me before...no longer....I breathe....I stop... I look up...I smile.. I close my eyes...I am grateful...I am blessed.

You are Blessed.

I said in my last note that I was to tell you why I created CHER BEAUTY GLAM.

It is kinda funny.  I could share the practical reason and path of this concept. But that is not what I think is the most important aspect to share.

I will let you in  on a secret....CBG to me is the way I see myself......strong, in control, iconic, beautiful, glamorous, desirable.....note I said it is the way I SEE MYSELF...not the way I MAY ACTUALLY BE ALL THE TIME.....

CBG is a focal point for me.....it is like a Baobab tree in the village.  My thoughts and agonies join me on a daily basis at this watering spot to flesh out concerns and create directional elements for my life. My right brain is in total control and is the master of this symphony.

What score will I play today......how many sections will I have...will it be lead by the strings or the wind.....I will know soon enough.....


Be Blessed, Be Respectful and Mother Nature Will Protect

CHER

THE BEGINNING

The Beginning was almost three years ago,

The end of one chapter in my life and the start of another. A journey that has had its high moments and its low. There were times when the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel definitely seemed like the oncoming train.


I truly believe that everything in life happens for a reason, and it is always a good reason.

We live, we love,we share, we take, we give, they take, we sob, we grieve,......

      We raise our heads high, we stand , we shake it off, we move on......

                 We tuck and roll and recover.

The choices we make in our lives are our responsibility to bear. At times this comes with a price  we think is too high to pay. But when the reaper is ready for his reward, there is little that we can fight against. For me, I refused to let the reaper have the satisfaction of payment. For me to triumph through my terminal notification, I had to have a paradigm shift.

Little did I know that on that lonely night of September 20, 2009 my world was to change forever.

I would no longer be helmed in by archaic thought processes.

How about using the right side of your brain for a change CHER?
             That's a good idea if ever I heard one.

And so it began.........you know....just the morning of my 9/20 I had an overwhelming feeling of sadness and despair,,,,,For the first time in sixteen years, I was going to be alone on Old Year's Night.....the forces of nature be praised.....the power of thought and energy....take a bow......I didn't pray for him, I didn't ask for him.....but he made his presence felt......

.....and by 5.17 am on September 21, 2009 I was on the way on my journey of re-discovery.....


I have chosen to write this anthology to leave my mark on the world.  To let all earthly sentient beings be aware of my existence. To share my passions and my dreams, my sadness and my despair in the hope that in all of this another can find the strength to hold on when life seems to be in utter chaos with sweeping pressures.

You know at the end of this...I may be speaking to an audience of one.....and I hope with all that is positive that he or she is not deaf in one ear.

Be peaceful and respectful and with the highest regard for life....

Be well until we meet again

CHER