Tuesday, January 25, 2011
We have all had our experiences. Some would say that they have had their triumphs. All in all...what have we learned?
The funny thing is that even though the evidence stares us straight in the face we are still blind to it. The excuses, the tales, the cover ups....we as women still decide that we must continue on the path that others have laid out for us.
Well, truth be told...I have been around the mulberry bush a few times....and after a while...your head starts to spin and your world goes bottom up on its head.
What do you do at this stage? What can you do at this stage...? What must you do at this stage....?
The Answer....well let's say...MY answer....is that you must Stop!....That's right....you stop and re-group, re-flect and re-cover.
It is pointless moving forward with baggage....sorry I ain't got no personal red caps ....
Usually what you are hearing is not what is being said.....and the trick is to get pass the white noise and pick up on the true signal......
The static confuses us....we automatically go into a mode where we think it was all our fault.
Relationships are two fold. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Behavior breeds behavior.
The situation at hand is no ONE person's fault. The scales may tip from side to side but there will always be some percentage of responsibility that each of us has to bear.
The triumph in my mind, is when you consciously decide to to take that responsibility by the seat of its pants, yank it to the forefront...perform the proverbial wedgey and see what you are made of.
In a relationship when your partner announces
"I have not been happy for the past....x....years"
what they are really saying is
"I have not been happy with myself for the past...x....years"
This is the time that you should realize that maybe both of you need to have some self reflection....take everything else out of the equation......and everyone else......look at what you need to have a rewarding relationship.
Granted this is something you should have done before you embarked on the duo journey, but we did not take Clairvoyance 101 and we ain't signing up any time soon.
So take the bit, sink your teeth in and let honesty reign.
Warning, it will hurt.......no one can ever truly describe the physical pain that is manifested by the lost of trust of your lover and friend. The one you have determined you will spend the rest of your life with. But hey, maybe the mistake here is that YOU decided, as oppose to WE deciding.
Life changes, people change, circumstances change, attractions change....but what should never change is HONESTY.
Never, ever, be afraid to speak your mind as to how you really feel. Sometimes when you are on the brink of losing your hold on your relationship, soft skills may not be your friend....but honesty will always be.
With honesty comes freedom.
Cowards shun away from this phenomenon. Cowards spend their time explaining their actions.....taking great care in justifying what they have already done, presently doing or about to do. Hypocrites hold their hands.
We will not join them. We will be free in our minds. We will not project on others our mistakes and swing blame back on them. If we are in error....we admit to it. With admission comes freedom. But with thought comes planning and analysis. Self introspection is key.
At every stage of your relationship you must take responsibility. You must maintain communication. You will loose some of your independence but this is replaced with interdependence. This must be the glue that holds it all together.
But....bonds cannot be forced to adhere. The bodies must be willing. The surfaces must be compatible. The emotional portal must be free of all interference and obstacles.
Take the time. Stop. Speak. Softly. Touch. Scream. Cry. Understand. Live. Love
You are blessed.
I am here and so are you. WE are here together.
This post is for the loves of my life....they know who they are.